The Eulogy

Introduction

Carolyn was a daughter, sister, friend, wife, mother and grandmother.

She was calm, patient, wise, thoughtful and an excellent listener.

Since her passing, I've been reminded just how well she was regarded by all who met her, without exception. I've been overwhelmed by the positive impact she's had on so many peoples lives.

Everyone had a specific memory of Carolyn, be it Scrabble or Star trek, Parties or Ponies, yellow crocs or a yellow t-shirt, Tea or ... well tea!! But always with a mention of how calm, patient and thoughtful she was.


Early life

Born on 2nd September 1948 to Gillian and Charles Graham Hill Smith on a bridge going over a railway line in Essex - An Essex girl! She then made it to the Cottage hospital.

She stayed an Essex girl, living in Monks cottage, which would now be part of Stanstead airport. At about 4 years old she moved to Burton Bower, a farm in Essex. They shared it with the maternal grandparents, she and her siblings scurrying between both sides of the farm like little mice.

With her sister (Annie) and brother (Charles) they grew up in an affluent, idyllic setting. Carolyn had a Pony (blueberry pie), and they would all spend hours playing in hay bale houses or camping in the local woods.

On occasion they would try to help the workings of the farm. By helping with milking, playing in the barns and watching the tomatoes being graded before being sent to market - starting a life long passion for flowers and plants.

She went to a small kindergarten in Bishops Stortford followed by a very brief attendance to a Convent, which i'm told was no fun. And then to "the Barn" (a privately run school) which Fiona, her cousin, also attended later.

After the Barn, they moved to the Isles of Scilly, and the ponies came too! A very big event and probably very exciting.

Arriving as a 10 year old to the Isles, she did just under a year at a school on Tresco, before passing her exams and being sent to secondary school on the mainland, West Cornwall school. The new school was huge, with dormitories and boarding and all, another big change but one Carolyn (unlike Annie) didn't make a fuss about.

She did however make a fuss about water, specifically the sea. Which is a bit of a problem when living on a small island. No boats, no swimming - if she could avoid it. However, she was made to learn to swim at around 12, much to her disgust.

She didn't like sports and even managed to avoid sports on sports day, something few others managed to achieve. She did however like horses and was an avid rider.


A young woman

After Graham, her father, got a job in Lincolnshire, the family moved there but she and her sister stayed boarding at West Cornwall, until after her O levels.

During this time Gillian and Graham divorced and Gillian moved back to the maternal home in Bishops Stortford and Graham moved to South Africa.

After passing her O levels, her next school was Brigg Grammar, in Lincolnshire, where she read Botany, Zoology and Chemistry. She had her heart set on studying Biology at Sussex University and went there in 1967.

Claire (her new sister) was also born in 1967 to Gillian and her new husband John Manton.

At Sussex she spent the first year in halls, in a hotel no less, because with new universities (like Sussex), they hadn't got around to building accommodation yet, so took over local hotels instead.

In her 2nd year she moved to a shared house with Rosey and another friend, where she stayed till she graduated. While at University she started dating Mike Kimmings, who became her boyfriend (i'm told he looked like Mick Jagger - big lips apparently) After university she moved with him to Earls Court in London.

Once in London she got a job working at Queen Mary College, as an admin assistant for the Biology department.

Later they (Carolyn and Mike) moved to East Norwood (near Croydon), after Mike got a job near there. The decided to buy a place together and Carolyn then got a new job working for the home office immigration department in Croydon.

Unfortunately for Mike, but fortunately for me, in 1977 they broke up. Sadly it was also around this time that her stepfather John died.

In the summer of 1978 Gillian bought Seal Stoke Farm.


Meeting her husband

In 1980, at a Fancy dress party in December, Carolyn first met my father after some skillful match making by Sophie K. At the party Richard, dressed as we willy winky - nighty and all, wooed then passed out on Carolyn, who was dressed as a parrot.

It must have worked, because they had a follow up date the Saturday after, but things were put on hold for Christmas and New year as Carolyn went down to Seal Stoke.

Richard wanted to call her to wish her a happy Christmas, but couldn't remember where in Devon the farm was - except that it had "gate" in the name. Determined, he read the national dialing code book, looking for something-gate. Many hours later, he had the number - Pound Gate 408!!

He called, they wished each other happy Christmas and arranged to meet again for new years eve at Sophies', the matchmaker's flat. Once again it went very well, so much so that the next day they met up again, but this time with Richards' 3 children!

Carolyn met Adrian, James and Kate and that was it. Richard and Carolyn then met every day of January. Richard driving from High Wycombe to Croydon to see her. By the end of January Carolyn agreed to be Richard's wife.

And 7 short months later, they were married!! Taking on a family of 3 children must have been a daunting task, but being Carolyn she took it in her stride.

At the wedding, my brothers, sister and cousins were all dressed up and looking very sweet (or embarrassing, depending how you look at the photos).

They spent their honeymoon in Greece with the children having their first trip to Seal Stoke Farm, which would become a regular summer retreat.

Once back in the UK, they bought a house in Beaconsfield, Tilsworth Road.


Her little boy

The year after, 1982, as tends to happen after a wedding - there was a baby. There was me. After a walk with James and a slip on some gravel, waters broke and I was born in Amersham hospital that December.

Carolyn went back to work briefly after I was born and Gillian or Mum, as she is known to everyone, came down to look after me for a while, until Carolyn became a full time mum.

Once I was 5 , I started attending the local primary school Butlers Court. Carolyn started a term time job at the Beaconsfield Waitrose.

And so things continued, the house at Tilsworth road was extended, the older children flew the nest and we took on lodgers.

The next major event was in 1991, her brother Charles' wedding, a big event at Seal Stoke Farm, with Carolyn's father flying over from South Africa.


Graham & Grandchildren

Graham, Carolyn's father, had Alzheimer's disease, and was unwell, so instead of going back after the wedding he came to live at Tilsworth road in the double garage which was converted into a flat for him.

Graham lived with us for 5 years, till his death in 1996, a few years after I started attending Beaconsfield Secondary School.

In November of 1997 Arabella, her first grandaughter was born to Adrian and Penny.

In 1998 I finished my GCSEs (or O levels for the old among you) and I went to do my A levels at the same grammar school James, my older brother went to, John Hampden. I studied Business, Computer Science and Maths and got the grades I needed to go to the University of East Anglia in 2000.

In 2002, with the once full family home now empty, Richard and Carolyn looked to the west country for their next step. A hotel not far from Seal Stoke, the Church House Inn.

Just as I finished University, in 2003 Carolyn's next grandaughter was born, Madeline, again in November, to Katie and Keith Apps.

In 2004 they left the inn and moved to Ashburton into the middle flat of Annie's Warehouse, with Annie above and Mum (Gillian) below, where they lived happily.

It was 2005 that the next grandchild arrived, Oscar, a baby brother for Madeline by Katie and Keith.

In the meantime I graduated from University, fell in love with a Spanish lady and moved to Spain!


Last years

On the 4th of June, 2011 Carolyn and Richard came out to see me in Spain, for my Wedding day, as I married Patri.

Patri and I then moved back to the UK and just 9 months later, Carolyn was visiting me again on the 30th of March to welcome her grandchild, Lily into the world.

Over the last month, with Christmas and holidays, Carolyn spent a lot of time with her newest grandaughter and some of her family in London. She was very happy and so were we.


My (Alex's) Memory

And its her being happy, making faces to make Lily smile and dancing like a loonatic this Christmas which will be my lasting memory of her.

For many of you, you will remember her trademark yellow Crocs or perhaps her yellow Peace Frogs t-shirt, both of which will hang on Lily's wall.


What I will miss the most

We will all miss her. Each of you in your own way.

I will miss how she knew me better than I know myself.

How she knows part of the reason I sing "Twinkle twinkle little star" to Lily was to plant the seed of wanting to become an astronaut.

I will miss her advice and wisdom and on all aspects of my life.

But most of all, I will miss her for Lily, for the wisdom and patience she gave me and I know would have given to Lily. And for the milestones in Lily's life she would have loved to have seen.


Final thoughts

Even though she is gone. Her wisdom, her ways, her calm approach to life is with each of us and I know always will be. Her meme will continue in this generation and the next.

The echoes of who she was, how she was and how she brightened everyone's life, will be with us all, forever.